11 Dis 2018 Diary

there is a human i like the most for no reason,
he make me more confused these day,
i wonder if he being serious or just play around me,
if he just play around, i'm fine for it,
it more scare and weird if he serious suddenly.
i love him but to believe that he my fate,
it seem unrealistic for me,
it more like a fake love,
a pretended feeling,
a feeling that not given with sincerely to other,
where the other feel being push or force,
to take the other feeling on them.
i don't want to have that kind of relationship,
if he my fated one, he have to make me completely sure,
and trust him for this relationship,
because this can be broken easily after bind with vow.
as far as i remember he just wanna play around me,
and i'm fine on it.
i don't think we are couple either,
none of us ask to be each other partner,
he never ask me to be his girl nor me as him to be my men.
maybe it just a friend type right?
i'm just telling myself we just a friend.
Even if he cheated on me, it won't hurt me much,
for i already knows it can be happen and possible to happen,
he deserve to be with good partner,
i'm lack of that from all girl,
all i have is myself, being ugly, being bored one,
and being confidence in all my prediction and instinct.
i should stay away as long as i can,
maybe it the best like the way i did before,
avoiding him..
yet if he my fate,
even if i run to the end of the world,
we will meet somehow, somewhere.
people can plan but the God will decide it.
Hopefully it will end well in the end.